what am i gonna do with my life?…
It’s not easy for me to face rejection, i just realised that.
Brrrrrr. School’s starting soon and i’m going to hit the books tomorrow hopefully. ok not hopefully, but I HAVE TO! Given the second chance, i have to work really hard.. Not going to procastinate anymore or whatever shit i’ve done this year. I really hate this year for some reason… I did wrote that down before right?! Urgh.
Anyway things are pretty mundane so there’s nothin’ exciting to talk about. Me and B have been quite alright.. going smoothly but I dont know about now~ It’s been quite a while since we have deep conversations.
Sometimes I feel as though I want to runaway from everything. Maybe fast forward my life a little bit… I’m just feeling floaty at the moment because I don’t know what to expect next year, apart from getting my A levels result and changing my CCA (most prob). I feel like crying ( duh,I always do if you keep track of my life).. about everything.. I feel silly admitting this but I still have issues with myself. I can’t goddamn look at my own face when i take pictures anymore..Everything is pulling me down and I feel downright shitty every single moment. There are times when I just want people to go away from my life and leave me alone. However, there are times when I wanna find someone who is REAL, who sees life as a journey where one will take as many opportunities as possible. Someone who can relate to me and listen to me. I have friends that I yak about everything but I know they don’t listen. I know it’s just blabbering that went through their head… Sigh, life sucks but you just have to deal with it.
Can i feel so happy? when will it be ? I laugh and joke around but those aren’t what i’m looking for. I want to be with the people that I really love, the surroundings that I enjoy and doing things that i’m really passionate about. When will the time come? Deep inside me I feel that it’s coming soon and I’m saving up for it.
I want to be close to God….. right noow… I just wanna cry and feel relieved. I dont understand how I feel right now.. Life is shitty 0.0
