Nothing feels right… each time, each day, i just feel in a daze. Even when i go out I’m just dreaming and never take notice of anything or anyone anymore. It’ll be just a blank mind. Am really sorry if I dont happen to see you or realise that you are acknowlegding me outside.. really do..
It just feels so right crying to myself everyday and hating every single thing. But i know, god’s always there for me. I’ll never stop my small prayers to him and I really hope he can show me the way in every problem that I told him. I feel at peace when I do that… I know he is there.. always listening.. I luv u god..
My feeling’s been messed up about B. I don’t know why but sometimes I feel that yes, it’s true and worth it but at times there’s this feeling that kinds of disturbs me. The feeling of uncertainty and fear of being hurt still lingers…. I don’t know where we are heading… It’s a long way to go. I pray to god that if he is the best for me and he has good intentions then make us closer but if not, please show me something that will make me move away from him..
You know after my first break up, I just feel the need to sheild myself from any heartbreak or the idea of getting hurt… I feel protective of my feelings and it’s hard for me to gain trust and believe in someone and just be vulnerable again.. No, it’s not easy for me to be ME and surrender myself…. very hard.. too hard now..
Am glad that 2009’s gone. A year of shitness, really. Stupid things come and go. ALOT of family problems. Never-ending shiiiiiiit just happen. A year full of regrets. Hate this year so much. I’m going to embrace 2010 with a fresh me.
So, all in all, the bottomline is my life sucks right now. But i wont deny there are times of happiness here and there but shitness just outweighs it. Please do expect a very wordy and emo-ish posts to come.. just giving you a warning but if my stupid rantings give you an excuse to leave all the daily mundane tasks, feel free.. will promise to update more often.. and i still promise someone to upload the China pictures. (sorry about that)
before i end this i just wanna say F*** EVERYTHING!! (sorry for my foul language and the unappropriatness but i just HAVE to say this.. so dont judge)
maasalamah!
